Deep Throat

Sure, he may have been a disheveled, senile, browntoothed old man when Mark Felt was finally revealed as the mysterious government informant who triggered the implosion of the Nixon Administration, but damn, the guy brought down Nixon. Not only that, he also indirectly inspired the title of the most famous porno of all time. DT apparently also stands for Double Threat. The closest snitching ever came to being heroic.


Judas

The man who snitched on Jesus. That’s some scandalous business. One isn’t supposed to rat out the Son of God and get away with it, but such was the Roman Empire back in the day. Some recent evidence has suggested that Jesus wanted him to snitch, but either way this was a bold move. Even if Jesus did tell you to set his capture and crucifixion into motion, would you have the gall to fuck with the Almighty’s son?


Andrew Chambers

This “concerned citizen” became a DEA informant in 1984 and put over 400 people in jail over the next 16 years. He was paid at least 2.2 million dollars over this period of time, having worked out an enviable deal whereby the DEA gave him a cash percentage of any seizures. A compulsive liar, even the DEA was forced to admit Chambers fibbed on the stand AT LEAST 16 times, sending people away for life while amassing a personal fortune.


Lando Calrissian

Yeah, sure, I suppose Lando didn’t have much choice but to go along with Vader, what with how Darth had already arrived at Cloud City before Han Solo landed in his precious Millennium Falcon, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.


Sammy “The Bull” Gravano

If you had spent years working with the Gotti crime family, watched dozens killed for disloyalty, disrespect, or simple bad manners, and made plenty of cash in the process, would you decide to rat on said crime family’s boss? The Bull did it and lived to talk about it on 60 Minutes, elevating the art of the snitch.


Aldrich Ames

This young boy from Wisconsin made it all the way into the CIA as a field agent. In 1985, he walked into the Soviet Embassy in D.C. and offered US secrets for money. In the end, Aldrich collected $2.5 million from the Russians, and his information led to at least 10 executions of U.S. sources. All 4 The Ca$h, man . . .


Ethel and Julius Rosenberg

They met in the romantic Young Communist League, married, and were famously executed by the U.S. government for providing the Soviets with nuclear secrets. Though their actual level of treason remains controversial, secret documents released in the 1990s revealed that Julius was a snitch indeed, while Ethel’s level of involvement is still unclear.


Linda Tripp

Linda, all the nose-hacking plastic surgery in the world cannot hide your shame, you nest-haired weasel! What species secretly tapes phone conversations with her “friend” Monica Lewinsky, then turns around and hands them over to Ken Star? That would be the beltway cameltoed snitch species.


Richard Johnson

When the reading public demands some dirt on who’s the biggest cokehead, slut, moron, or boozer, Richard of the New York Post’s Page Six gladly fills the order. On behalf of America, Mr. Johnson, thank you.


50 Cent

His dry-snitching on “Ghetto Quaran” got him shot those proverbial “9 times” and one of the people he named, “Haitian” Jack, even filed a lawsuit. 50’s subsequent lyrical attacks on Ja Rule and Murder Inc. namedropped enough people that the goverment used them in its racketeering case against Murder Inc. And, ironically enough, Murder Inc. beat the case in part by using 50 Cent lyrics and interviews to put holes in the prosecution theory that they were behind 50 Cent’s shooting. Guess that’s why they call him five-oh.


Elia Kazan

This famed, Oscar-winning director of Streetcar Named Desire and one-time Communist Party member named names of fellow entertainers to the House Un-American Activities Committee during the Red Scare, contributing to the blacklisting and investigation of colleagues in Hollywood and New York. In another display of character he also reportedly banged Marilyn Monroe the night she got engaged to Joe Dimaggio. When Kazan received an honorary Oscar in 1999, some reported hearing a grizzly Nick Nolte mutter, “He’s a god damn snitch!”


Coleen Rowley

This homely FBI legal advisor from Minneapolis threw a serious wrench in Georgie Boy’s gears when she wrote a memo to FBI Director Robert Mueller snitching on her fellow Minneapolitan Feds for being dimwitted and disorganized pre-9/11. Bush responded by shrugging his shoulders and wrinkling his nose.


Albert “Alpo” Martinez

He took over Harlem with Azie Faison and Rich Porter in the 80s, making millions off the crack boom. Eventually Alpo was making just as much money in DC with the help of the notorious hitman Wayne Perry. But all good things come to an end, Alpo not only murdered his partner “Rich Porter” but after being caught, snitched over on half the east coast to save his own skin.


Ana Cumpanas aka Sage

Long before Chris DeBerg annoyingly moaned about “The Lady In Red” dancing cheek to cheek, the original Lady In Red, a Chicago brothel owner who feared deportation back to her Romanian homeland, snitched on John Dillenger to the FBI. Dillenger later died of gunshot wounds outside the Biograph Theater, and The Lady In Red (who was actually wearing orange) ended up being deported anyway.